Hate for Humor #16 - Heyyy Joe....

I've never really been the biggest fan of Michael Jackson, but I feel badly for him and his family for how his life ended. One man who obviously doesn't share my feelings is his devil of a poppa Joe Jackson. Not only has he gravy-trained his way through life standing on the backs of his talented children, he beat young Michael and probably helped make him into the freak show he eventually became.

This miserable excuse for human existence then had the gall to have not one, but TWO, press conferences about MJ, in which he did not seem the least bit sad about his son's untimely death, but more concerned with pimping his record label, like he pimped his children. I don't wish bad things to happen to people often, but I do here. I wish bleeding hemorrhoids upon you, you filthy dog!

Hate for Humor #15 - Punk-Ass Skater Brats

I don't really have any problem with skateboarders in per se, but I do have a problem with little skater douche bags like the ones pictured here. Every time I see them, they are jumping and doing little tricks on private property, spray painting businesses or peoples homes, and generally being worthless little shits. I was on the bus the other day, when I witnessed an inexcusable act of piss-ant behavior; one of them, similar to the ones above, looked this way and that (you always know there up to something when they do that) and then proceeded to scratch his "tag" on the bus windows - which were brand fucking new - and then look at me with a "so, what are you gonna do about it" look.

I wish I had a cattle prod and a rubber hose for his little punk ass, but alas, none was available. These little bastards one of the reasons why bus fares and passes are always going up. If I catch him again on another bus doing that, I will be forced to be a rat, and turn him in to the proper authorities; then perhaps he can get a full cavity search with his new boyfriend in juvee.

Hate for Humor #14 - John & Kate - Too Late

Oh, so now you have an announcement for us do you? Why? To tell us what we already know. that you both are gold-digging, gravy-trainin', attention-whores that fail to think of anything about yourself? Here's too a quick and painless cancellation of your pathetic excuse of a show. I feel for the children; if we're all lucky, none of them will go postal on us in some random restaurant after a flash back of Kate's hideous hairdo. Go the way of the dinosaurs J & K, I hate you!

Hate for Humor #13 - WTF is wrong with parents?

I recently saw a sickening TV "reality" show on VH1, that followed the misadventures of children like this one above, and their horrifying parents. I came to the conclusion that they are all quite mad. An easy conclusion, say you? Just try to imagine yourself doing something like this to your children; some may say, "it's just harmless fun!", some could say, "there's nothing sexual about any of this!" While another may say, "this child is my meal ticket, and don't you forget it!" The absolute gall of the people who organize these ethical abortions, is unimaginable at best, and a sign of pedophilia at worst. I don't blame the children in these cases; it is the parents who are to blame. Kiddie pageant parents, I hate you!

Much Hate, No Humor....#1

I can't find any humor in this despicable situation...these murdering bastards need to be swept from power as soon as possible. There has been murder, corruption, and lies within the Iranian Government for many years, and now the chickens are coming home to roost. The youth of Iran has been quietly seething for some time under the oppressive yoke of the religious extremists, and it only took one spark to light the powder keg. I fully support the students and people of Iran in their quest for freedom; it doesn't matter how long it takes, I believe they will prevail. I hope that our President Obama will not go the way of Bush Sr. and abandon the people of Iran as Bush did to the Kurds. Let's hope that the deaths of young people like Neda, can lead to the ouster of these people, and her memory can be used for peace and not just revenge. I call on all those who believe in their cause to keep pressure on their Congress person, Senator, Mayor, President, or whoever they want to, in order to not let the people of Iran down.

Hate for Humor #12 - Being Dick Cheney

So you "smell blood in the water" on National Security issues do you? When don't you smell blood you miserable old bastard? You have it all over your hands; the deaths of thousands from D.C. to Baghdad are on you, my fine friend. How can you be serious? According to the new chief of the CIA, you are "almost wishing for another terrorist attack". WTF? Wasn't 911 enough for you, do you really think you'll be proved right? Why haven't you died yet, Dick? I wonder how much your soul is worth in hell? GO AWAY, keep supporting gay marriage, while advocating spying on American citizens, and being a general caricature of yourself. Where's Tonya Harding's band of criminal masterminds when you need them.....?

Hate for Humor #11 - Palin-tology

Why can't this inbred Idaho potato just keep her trap shut? David Letterman only said you have a "slutty flight attendant look", why so defensive, you slut? You know you love this stuff anyway, Sarah, because no one was talking about you for five minutes, right? Stop being an attention whore! Stop make-believing that you ave any chance in hell of defeating my Prez Obama, you can't even beat Newt F*cking Gingrich! On second thought, keep running your mouth, keep raising money for 2012....I'm gonna need a good laugh now n' then!

Hate for Humor #10 - Carrie Me....Away!!!

Score one more for Carrie California Prejean.....what a joke...I almost feel sorry for The Donald for sticking his leathered neck out for this wench......almost sorry, that is......go back to being completely irrelevant Carrie, keep hating gays, and being a general female douche....goodnight now!

Hate for Humor #9 Boyle on the Brain

Let's be real here people; you know Susan Boil...er Boyle was never gonna make it, right? It's all nonsense, human beings enjoy beautiful things, beautiful people, and the lifestyles of the rich & famous. We can talk all we want to about "the beauty within", and pretend that we would be different than those who are so "shallow". That's all self-righteous bullsh#t, and you know it! Would you put a poster of this old hag on your wall? Do you really want to continue to see the dry-heave inducing images like the one above? No, I don't think so, thank yo very much. She is a flash in the pan, an anomaly of human development. Sure she has a great voice; let her do Disney animated movies, Pixar sh*t bucket movies, anything to keep her off the screen! My hate isn't so much for her, as it is all the lying, holier-than-thou, "enlightened folk who won't admit the truth: She's not easy on the eyes, baby!

Hate for Humor #8 - Spencer for Hire?

F#ck you Spencer...who? Oh yeah f#ck you, you worthless Pratt. Stop being a Pratt btw...Why are you being paid for showing up on television? Who likes you? Who are the dregs of society who pay attention to you and your "creepy flesh-colored beard"(credit Joel McHale)? There you are on an MSNBC low-light having a little prayer session with Blago's wife, and his "wife" the Montag beeeyotch! How sickening is it to be you, Pratt? Go back to getting in fights with guys that are half your size, having fake marriages, and generally being a world-class douche....I hate my country for loving this waste of sperm.....

Hate for Humor #7 - Rolo Burris, Just resign already!

What crack pipe has the Hon. Rolo Burris been hitting lately? Why does this man continue to believe that he can be an effective U.S. senator? This jackass has raised only $845 dollars TOTAL in campaign funds, has lied about pay-for-play, and continues to carry the torch for Blago-Chicago politics. He is hurting his state, and the cause of the Dems who have a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to shape the direction of our country for decades to come. Stop lying, stop trying, and stop being so damn self-righteous and defiant about this situation. Go back to ripping off the state of Illinois and stay out of the way of real progress.....guh, moron!

Hate for Humor #6 - Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam....

I should probably look this up, but was the insane rat-bastard who created the vile abomination known as Spam? Why would this tripe of humanity be allowed on our breakfast tables? The only reason I can think of, is to squeeze every last cent out of every pig, rat, or whatever they make it from that comes through the Hormel factories. I mean wtf people? It is an evil, slimy, pre-cooked, gelatinous, mass of horror, that can't be worth all the indigestion later....can it? Apparently it can, because they even have other "flavors": Tabasco flavored, Garlic flavored (*shudder*), and now they're into the turkey biz with an Oven roasted turkey flavor.....Oh...My...God!!! Leave those poor birds alone, don't they have enough to deal with already?? Guhhhh....I hate SPAM!

View the video I posted for more Spam fun!

Hate for Humor #5 - Little Rat Dogs

I don't know about any of you, but I can't stand those little lap dogs that snooty women, submissive husbands/boyfriends, or gay men seem to want to drag around with them - EVERYWHERE! Why do they insist on poisoning the atmosphere everywhere they tread? Why do they treat these rat-dogs like their own little children? What purpose do they serve other than to yap at me, and other like-minded "cat-people".....? Who knows why they do what they do, but I do know that I don't want to see another one of them in a grocery store, at the mall, on a bus, or worst of all; on some fat old lady's lap while driving their oversized Cadillacs or Expeditions. Die, rat-dogs!!!! I hate you....

Hate for Humor #4 - I still love BACON, but not the MEDIA

Dear hacks and talking heads,

Please stop infusing our airwaves with non-stop hysteria about the swine flu. Why do you insist on trying to keep us all afraid to step outside the house?? Just shut up, please. Stick with selling us sex, drugs, and rock n roll. Continue reporting only half the story, and closing down newspapers, cuz your all bankrupt. I hate the media....

Hate for Humor #3 - "Hair" Bands

I never understood it then, and I sure as hell don't understand it now; why did/do women love the freak of nature known as Hair bands? Wtf people, these nimrods are no-talent, makeup wearing, metro sexual, androgynous, big haired mops of human waste. I hate them, and their so-called music. Of course the real reason I hate them is that they pulled the chicks, man. Guhh! How do they do it? What is wrong with women? Oh well, at least I can comfort myself by softly chuckling everytime one of those, "Where are they now?" shows are on VH1. Hahahaha.....

Hate for Humor #2 - Get'em Janeane!!

This video ( http://foxnewsboycott.com/greta-van-susteren/janeane-garafalo-handles-ambush-on-fox-news/ ) illustrates the reasons why I hate, loathe, and detest ignorant rednecks and love smart, beautiful, and bad-ass women like Janeane Garafalo. I guess Van Susteren thought it would be funny to ambush Janeane, and this is what they get! I f@cking hate you Fox News.

Hate for Humor #1 - The Blahs

Who doesn't hate the blahs....Wednesday seems to be the worst day for it, for me anyway. Some people say that Monday is blue, but I say it is Wednesday. I hate Wednesdays, other than watching one of my favorite shows (Ghost Hunters), there is nothing good about it. I hope someone does something really stupid that will make me laugh. C'mon hipsters, do something ridiculous like you always do; make my day all you rednecks, drink a bottle of moonshine; breathe more hate for progress you conservative bastards; cry me a river, you liberal train wrecks. Ok, now I've talked myself out of the blues...I feel...my hate returning! Maybe today will be good after all.

The REAL Three Stooges

I really despise the "beautiful people"...Why is this woman's opinion on gay/lesbian marriage evenan issue? She is irrelevant, only made popular by extreme difference in the size of her boobs and her brain (which is smaller, hmmm..). What a total waste of space on the airwaves. Just go back to posing nude, lying about it, and blaming photographers who are trying to make a quick buck. Who the hell is Perez Hilton?????? Burn in hell, you attention whore! Donald Trump, stop standing up for all the attention whores, and whores in general. Why are you standing on a podium, pushing your media crack on us, and then have the balls to say to the press "You should all be ashamed of yourselves!"...You should definetely go back to tanning yourself orange, bleaching and combing the roadkill on your head, and firing celebrities from your show (which is about to jump the shark, if it hasn't already).....whew! I feel much better now.

Slow Turners (How to Piss me Off)

I am a man who keeps all my pet peeves well-fed and cared for. I love my pet peeves, so loyal, so understanding....so hateful. Let me introduce you to one of them now: The slow turner. The slow turner is an individual who delights in pissing off the overly-caffeinated driver behind them by either hesitating to turn onto a street with a last minute turn signal and no traffic to stop them from making said turn, and/or not knowing where in the hell they are going, and creeping along in their car trying to find out where in the hell they are going. They are closely related to painfully-slow-turn-into-gas station-driver, and waiting-for-the-perfect-space-between-traffic-to-enter-a busy street-driver. I don't drive much, but when I do, I will invariably encounter these traffic fungi. Yet another reason for me to hate, and I love it.

Darth Cheney is a Real Dick

Why does this man continue to bump his aging gums about Obama? This made-to-order jackass still asserts that banning "enhanced interrogation" and closing gitmo is somehow making the poor, defenseless USA open to risk from attack from the Islamic terrorist menace. He's not only the worst Vice-Prez ever, but now he's a "kiss n' teller"; he came out on Sunday to say that GWB not only knew, but signed off on the strategy. IDK, maybe this is all good, I mean, he seems to be the face of the Elephants now. Maybe Tim Kaine should put him on retainer, and unearth the old bastard anytime the Repubs gain traction on some issue. In either case DICK, go back to doing what you do best, shooting friends and having heart attacks, and spare me the love of hating you every moment you have left.

Nancy Pelosi....just stop it...

I am a registered Democrat, so I hate to criticize my own, but why does Nancy P. continue to deny that she knew about the "enhanced interrogation techniques" that we going on as far back as 02'? She would be much better served to simply admit it - it being the fact that at the time she was told what was going on, it wouldn't have been politically savvy to come out against the decisions of the then popular GWB. No reasonable voter with half a brain would hold it against her. I sure as hell don't. Here is my message to Democrats: Stop screwing around with the Obama era, go back to evading taxes, and banging interns with cigars, and leave the enhanced interrogating to the experts - the Republican party. Yeesh Nancy, don't make me hate you...

Hate to admit it, but I loved Star Trek....

Yes, I had the privilege to view the latest edition in the Star Trek franchise, the prequel to end all other prequels - "Star Trek". I felt a little apprehension about going to see it a few weeks ago, because I remember how good the earlier movies with Shatner, Nimoy, DF Kelly and the gang were. I was afraid that we would end up with B movie actors playing in a C grade movie, or even worse something akin to the dreadful Star Wars prequels. The movie was just the opposite however; humorous, true to the original and worth 10 bucks any day of the week. I won't go into too much detail, but lets just say that you would be a fool not to see it if you are into movies at all.

Damn Hipster Bikers.....

As my friends know, I don't like hipsters very much. I hate hipsters on bikes even more. They refuse to wear helmets (a pet peeve), ride in the middle of the road without out a care in the world, and then become pissed-off if you even dare to question WTF they think they are doing.....just go back to your indie music, stupid glasses, pet chickens, and die already....I hate them.....!!!

Man-Ram Strikes Again.....

Another day, another frickin' moron. I used to like Man-Ram, I mean who didn't love the guy roaming the outfield, always waiting to butcher the next fly ball. At least we could always rely on his ability to mash like no other...but now he is no better than that creepy man-ho, A-Rod, or Big Head Barry Bonds. I know why the jackass did it, but I don't get why he acted the goat all these years as well. Great, now we have to hear another two weeks of bitching from baseball purists, bemoaning yet another stain on their beloved national pastime. Just go away and die Man-Ram, and take your dirty needles with you.....btw, in your face Dodger fan....I hate you.

Stupid Senate Democrats

Why, oh why exactly are the worthless rank-n-file democrats giving poor Arlen Specter such a hard time? Why are they crying about their meaningless seniority, bitching about the past - "Can we trust Arlen Specter?" Who fu*#ing cares?? He has dropped into your laps, a veritable gift from heaven. With him, you can undo much of the last 8 years of destruction that the now hapless republican party is paying for. Keep your vision focused, you self-righteous numb-nuts.....God I hate the Senate Democrats.....

Annoying Songs - The Killers Edition

So, I hate The Killers...really hate them. Case in point, the song entitled "Human"....wtf is this song even about? "Are we human, or are we dancers"???????? WTF, what does this mean? I hate this lyric...HATE IT...someone please explain the difference in human beings and dancers, because I want to know.....

Why am I doing this.....?

Because I can, I suppose. Why not, I say! The world is full of things that can be loved, so I feel that I should point out all the things you should hate. I hope you will all enjoy the rantings of a mad-man.

What better way to begin my first foray into ultimate hate, than to take a verbal flamethrower to one of many arch-nemeses,The oh-so-better-than-you Hipster. I hate these bastards to the very core of my existence. Look at this prize trio right here: infuriatingly smug looks, check. Awkward, thrift-store, mix-and-match, trying to be different (but not really), clothing, check. The BIG 80's sunglasses, or pseudo horn-rimmed glasses, check. I don't know these three people, and I'm sure they're not promoters of everything evil, but I hate them anyway. I will of course, be spending much time on this unsightly breed of humanity in the near future....